Headcanon accepted

essayel was poking around some historical database of soldiers for names, and found

John Poynes, Archer, under Lord Edward Despenser, serving the earl of Cambridge on the expedition to France in 1375

We totally agreed that this must have been Ned Poins' father -- that is, if Poins had been historical and not just a fictional character made up by Shakespeare.

Sal suggested the elder Poins (Poynes -- spelling optional) possibly survived that war and fathered Ned during a moment's inattention in a whorehouse in Gravesend, but I find Poins comes over more like a legitimate son of an moderately wealthy man, because a sister is mentioned whom he needs to get married to somebody -- and if that's his business, even only theoretically to joke about it, then he's not illegitimate. Some of the archers were very well to do, Sal said, and I guess Ned squandered his inheritance, which means his father would already be dead.  He inherited what that archer brought home from the war, wasted it all on cheap wine and cheerful company, and by the time of the play, he's just stuck in Eastcheap, living for the moment, with nothing to go back to and nothing to look forwards to.

It rhymes with what I have been surmising about Poins so far, but being the son of one of Despenser's archers is much more tangible.-